Spontaneous Writings of Matt Brand 708

a glimpse into 21-year-old male ego-death


Randomly I look at my arm and know that these tattoos will disappear, as will their creators in opposite directions Wednesday and Thursday and eventually from this earth, as will the stars which perhaps created these people. This too shall pass. And to me that is beautiful and calming, but I learn repeatedly that the perennial closing window it creates is also motivating and should not simply be watched as it closes. Just because death and ends are beautiful doesn't mean one shouldn't celebrate fully in the moment.

So y'know what, fuck it. Fear feels like an childhood t-shirt, two sizes too small. This Monday night after our busy masculine weekends of work and research. Wear one of your cute outfits (if you have something 1950's-themed all the better), don't stress too much about hair and make-up because frankly I don't think there's a single string in a single quark in a single atom of you that I don't find completely gorgeous, even the wrinkled ones I saw on an aged McKenna when soul-gazing. I have an idea for an amazing end to our summers here and I want to share it with you. All I ask is that you check your ego and any haunting worries from your past at the doorstep of your Santa Clara home. We may not see each other ever again, this is always a possibility, but if we're both here and alive Monday night that is still a million moments that can be fully lived and I'd be a fool to do anything other than that. You can come if you want, if not no worries. This is me stepping into my third stage masculine true being, it's uncomfortable, exciting, and vulnerable but feels like the free and fearless self I started ignoring years ago when I got caught up in being young. All we have to lose are our egos, pride, and second-guesses. If that's too much, I understand and think no less of you.

Though if you want to wave goodbye to these pretentious things for the night and have a great time RSVP 'absurd firearm' to my secretary's number in the next 24 hours.


PS think I may have something to help with the music problem...
PPS Full moon tonight which you can probably catch during the day, and if you escape the city and the epic sold-out after parties, meteor shower hits its zenith tonight.